I now see where I was going wrong, I was mixing the 80s nostalgia AND the hipster nonsense:
If you’re going 80s, make sure your site looks like some 1980s computer program. You might elect to go with an overall green-on-black scheme, reminiscent of some ancient terminal you’ll pretend to have actually used. Bonus points for a diagonal rainbow stripe, like the the ones they put on the front of the software box (yes, they used to sell software… in boxes!). Many people prefer this approach, due to the low level of effort involved. No need to pirate adobe software; just use mspaint.
Right, looks like it has to be one or the other. Heads says 80s, tails says hipster…..
80s it is!